The Granville Strip was once again turned into makeshift ball hockey courts last Saturday for the annual Five Hole for Food fundraiser. The charity event typically attracts a diverse crowd of media types, bloggers, a few slumming NHLers and, of course, politicians.
As usual, Mayor Gregor Robertson came out for a game but, sadly, his main opponent in the upcoming election did not. NPA mayoral candidate Kirk LaPointe also plays net for a CBC beer league team, and no doubt spectators would’ve enjoyed seeing the two face off in a non-debate setting. Possibly he didn’t think his 0.848 save percentage was ready for public scrutiny although that’s not too shabby for a 56-year-old.
Team K&K admit to having mixed feelings about the former journalist’s candidacy. On the one hand, we realize it’s good for both the city and for democracy in general to have such a highly accomplished and articulate candidate running for office. On the other, we feel a tinge of regret the NPA’s mysterious backroom decision makers didn’t pick Ian Robertson instead and thus deprived us of the comedy gold of a Robertson vs. Robertson race.
It was probably a wise move. This is a city, after all, where an unknown independent named James Green managed to win enough votes to cost supposed COPE frontrunner Jim Green the 2002 election. Voters probably shouldn’t be trusted to distinguish between two middle-aged dudes with the same surname. Not everyone is as well informed on municipal affairs as regular Courier readers are, and we’re not going to pretend there aren’t people who see “Affleck” in a headline and expect the story will be about the new Batman. It’s safe to say that many of them only head to the polls out of a vague sense of civic duty and simply check the box next to the name of the person that sounds familiar.
Former park board commissioner Ian Robertson has since announced he is instead running for council and will no doubt receive an inadvertant bump from folks who think they’re actually voting for the handsome bike lanes guy. Fellow NPAer Stacy Robertson will probably see the same if he decides to run again.
With this in mind and still two months to go for parties to find potential nominees, we’ve a few humble suggestions based on some other prominent candidates’ last names.
Someone named Louie or Louis
If there’s one thing we learned from the success of the Louis CK sitcom Louie, it’s that there’s a lot of confusion over the spelling of this name. (Well, that and dating Parker Posey might be less awesome than we’ve fanatasized about.) With Vision Coun. Raymond Louie pretty much a shoo-in and COPE warhorse Tim Louis planning to run again, it might behoove the other parties to find a Louie of their own. Or a Louis. Possibly even a Lewis. And if the NPA can’t find someone here in Vancouver with the surname, maybe one of their developer friends could toss in a discounted condo so that an out-of-towner could parachute in.
Kris from EXO
While signing up the 23-year-old singer of a Korean boy band may seem like a long shot, the Vancouverite — whose real name is Wu Yifan — is apparently no longer a member due to an ugly dispute with their record label. While most of his core fans are underage girls, Wu could still score plenty of votes from people unaware that similarly named school board trustee Sophia Woo has been booted out of her party. He also was the captain of the Sir Winston secondary basketball team and so has proven leadership skills. Last but not least, he speaks fluent Cantonese, Mandarin, English and Korean, which surely would come in pretty handy to any civic party in Vancouver.
Hear us out. It would likely take some convincing to get Optimus Reim to run against Vision incumbent Andrea Reimer, but the Toronto Maple Leafs goalie nonetheless seems uniquely qualified for a career in municipal politics. He’s already accustomed to taking cheap shots from disgruntled city residents, avoiding the media, being blamed for other people’s general incompetence and seeing vast sums of other people’s money wasted. Plus he’s a millionaire and could actually afford to live here. And surely even the prospect of sitting through marathon rezoning hearings day after day has to be more appealing than yet another doomed season with the Leafs.
(This post was first published in Kudos & Kvetches © Copyright (c) Vancouver Courier)